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Tuesday, 5 December 2017


            I stared at her. She was just there. Lying unconsciously. Without any movement. They said she have gotten better. But, why? Why she did not open her eyes? It had been one whole day.
            She will be okay. She will be okay. I repeated those words in my mind. Trying to encourage myself. The pain was intolerable. It was hurt. I am such in a lots of pain. Seeing her like this. I cannot bear it. If I could, I want to take her place.
            She does not deserve to be in this state. For the years that I have been growing up. She will always be there for me. She will coax me when I’m in pain. She will hug me when I’m afraid. She was the rythm to my song. Music in my life.
            I stunned when my phone vibrate. Again and again. They kept on calling me. Did not they understand? I needed space. I needed time. I needed to be here. Together with my soul. Together with my life. Together with my mother. I did not want to be separate with her. She and me. We were inseparable. Right now. At the moment.
            “Pick up the phone, will you?”
            Here he came. My manager. Always nagging at me. But, it is okay. He was the reason why I can be successful right now.
            I looked at him blankly. Later on. I looked at my mother. I smiled weakly. I did not have much energy left. How can I eat when she did not eat? How can I smile when she was in a deep pain?
            “You are weak,”
            Was it a statement? Or a question? I did not care anymore. I know why he came. The reason was me. I did not came to work for a long period of time. The drama that I’ve been act needed to be postponed. Because of me. I did not come to the occasion. An occasion that needed me to be their model. I had made a lot of problems.
            And he was extremely angry. But, what can I do? Work and mother? I believed that my mother was more important. I did not care if I lost my credibility. As long as, my mother was right here. Beside me.
            “Water..” I heard a voice. Weak but clear.
            Mom! Without I realise, my tears fall. She was okay. She was awake. My mother had awake. Did not you see that, Adrean? My mother had awake.
            That night, I slept with her. I told her about everything. From the first moment when she wake up, I never stop talking. This was it. This was what I have been waiting for. Waiting for her to come around.
            She only smiled to me. Her eyes looked deep inside my eyes. Without even a blink. It seems like, she was capturing my face into her heart. Recording my voice to her mind.
            But, why? Did she missed me that much? I realised that I did not come back home for a long time. I have a very hectic life. Working and working. As if tomorrow never exist. And, I’m sorry. For neglecting you. For neglecting my responsibility towards you. For leaving you alone for a quite long time.
            I thought that I’ve been giving everything that you need. But I forgot, that money could have never be compared to me. And, I’m sorry. For making you waiting for me.
            And the next day, I noticed something weird. Her hand was cold. It was because of air-conditioner. It must be air conditioner. I woke her up. But, she remained freeze. No! No! Please, don’t let this happen to me!
            I screamed loudly! Forcing her to wake up! Please, wake up! Open your eyes for me! Please! I’m begging you!!
            Adrean hugged me from behind. He did not allowed me to move. I tried to escape but I could not. Doctors were coming. Please let my mom alive! But, from their reaction. I knew. I knew that it was true. My mother have gone! She would never wake up again!
            “No!!!” I screamed loudly.
            I could not accept this. She’s my world. My everything! She could not be dead. She cannot die!! There was too many things that I want to do with her.
            Please! Just tell me that it was a dream. I could not accept the fact that she was gone. I could not accept it. It was a dream. It must be a dream. I pinch my face. I slapped my hand. Even Adrean face. I slapped him. He sighs in pain.
            It was hurt. My hand. It was hurt. My face. He was hurt. Sighing in pain! He grabbed my hand. Forcing me to look inside his eyes.
            “Violette, in this world.. We will experience the feeling of losing someone. It was hurt, in the first moment. But, we will have to endure it. Believe me. You will be fine. And, it is true that life is full of suprises,”

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